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48 th post.
My Class Tee number ~

Lets start ..
To say about yesterday...

Yesterday lunch time..
So pissed off.
EAST SPRING PUPILS..
God sake ..
Pls behave yourself..
Spitting things everywhere
is not what u all r suppose to do..

Pls dun disgrace me ..
or the former pupils.
We are prud to be from ESPS.
Im sorry to say ..
I sent an email to the school.
I cant stand it .
Its not the first time i saw u all..
Making a fool of urself.

Blah Blah ..

Got scolded yesterday night..
The cause of my swollen eyes today ..
Cried the whole night ..

Lets post what i wrote in my jourmal yesterday..
God Sake you people dun laugh .. im serious -.-
At least.. i really am ..

What i wrote in my jourmal -.- Word for word :

24 July 08,

What is a family?
Even a nursery child could understand,
yet i just realised i never experience one .
i got no answer in my head
when this question pops out ..
And it was only today that i conclude that
i nvr would find the exact answer..

I was all suppose to be " common sense"
But this "common sense" is not common to me at all.

I lack of it ..

I always thought this is my home... I thought and believed so ..

I always believe it was a place that at least everyone in here ..
Cares for me..

Warmth, Care, Attention & of course love.

I should be a place that resembles a heaven but it looked like hell to me .
All i wan was listening ears and helping hands.

Today 24 jul 08 , or rather now, as im pennign down my thoughts, 23:13pm

As when tears filled a bucket after another, i announced that i dun think i ever had a family.

I know this is awful to read or hear...
But to me .. it had already invaded my life.
With the word "FACT" stamped on it .

I can't erase it.

I am a 'product' and from what i am now , its how you cultured me.
This is what u made and cause.
Destroyed is the only word to describe me.

I CAN NVR DENY THIS FACT EVER AGAIN.

I'm now writing this on pieces of paper one by one.
This was an effecstive method i put away my anger and sadness..
but it didnt work this time round.

By posting this on the blog, i think you all could sense and see.

I'm sorry that i failed to be a happy person.

I failed to be a normal human being.

I'm a failure of mankind.

Theres no one i could turn to except for this paper and my pen.

I'm alone again . Dun wan to be bothered anymore.

Nothing major happen today but this small incidents have accumulated and reached the max of how much my heart could take.

I dun see a future of me .

This is the reason to what i have done all this while..
This is my life.

Back to those days that i thought i was happy ... one example was having to talk to Gerome over the phone even in midnights. But i realised i hv been the one hearing out problems but there werent anyone to listen to me .

Or maybe thats what friends are for ... ?

- END -

Then i was forced to get into my room to bed .. So i decide to save in my phone.


-Continuation-

Is it a good thing or a bad thing that no one asked why im crying ?
I thought you all said that you love me...
I really understand wat a faulty tap is like..
How abt all of you ?

I think i could see faces of you people laughing at me thinking that im childish...
Who ever truly cared for me .. i dunno ..

I remember those people who said that my life is horrible
and bet you people didnt noe that was an impact.

This is how my life is being viewed by others.
This is the life you gave me .

I did my best in everything and oso in lessening ur burden on my own accord..
I did everything that other parents' child wouldnt..

Everyone are showing off that they have great and lovely family.

Someone of you may say that i should be contented..
Do you all even know ...
I tried.. That was what i always trying to do ..
I tried my utmost , i swear.

Dunno what to say ..
As you all noe my blog is read by some of my family members.
I believe this would soon be another topic everyone is gonna talk about.

But it also prove that I DON GIVE A DAMN!

this is the max my heart could hold so i got no choice but to say it out..

The one who ain content is not me ...

In this world. im not worth to think of anymore.

This might be unfair to some of you but i really cant keep it to myself anymore.

Sorry but i dun care anymore.

-ended-

Nothing to add on..
ETC..

Today CD shelter blacked out ..
The construction in our school cut off the electricity?

I dunno luh..

Then we have to carry YANGQIN out
... stupid .. SO heavy but nvm luh..
I get to slack hahas .

NATA teach me percussion..
Ain i a fast learner?
Lol .. no im not :(

OH well ..

Notin to sae ler..

BuhBiess,

YiXuan